Recovery

For Japan

I wrote this song during a personal crisis; it now seems very appropriate for Japan and its people:

Recovery

There are times when your soul’s had to pay so many tolls

that it falls under their weight and is smothered

it’s as good to you as gone, so you have to carry on

while you wait for it to slowly recover

You know your life has changed when you go from day to day

and you just don’t want to show up for tomorrow

You look into the mirror, and the image that appears

is a face so unlike yours you’d swear it’s borrowed

I didn’t know where I was going; I just knew that where I was

was no place that I wanted to stay

carrying my past around ‘cause I didn’t know how to put it down

is how I wound up where I am today

Just as a river flows sometimes high and sometimes low;

but without the rain would dry up like a stone

yet there are different kinds of rain as there are different kinds of pain

and there are kinds you wish would just leave you alone

I've had no grand adventures; I’ve just had some ups and downs

and I’ve made and lost some friends along the way

I’m not looking for attention; you can go or stick around

but I’ve got some things I've wanted to say

I’m not glad and I’m not sad that I’ve had the life I’ve had

at least it’s taught me some things about living

of all the things that I possess, the one that serves me best

is that I’ve gotten pretty good at forgiving

There are times when your soul’s had to pay so many tolls

that it falls under their weight and is smothered

it’s as good to you as gone so you have to carry on

while you wait for it to slowly recover

Legs (March 14th, Tokyo)

Today was weird, of course. All days have been weird since Friday. Tokyo feels almost like it is made of jello sometimes. I mean, you can feel the ground moving so often that it sometimes seems like you have to get your “sea legs”;and it all seemed so solid before. Unsettling and disorienting. The news we get is no less so. It has become as unstable as the earth. So many different sources! Saying so many different things, from the most bleak and frightening to at least somewhat optimistic. The Age of Information meets The Land of Rashomon; there is no clarity, there is only the surreal, unstable earth beneath us and the surreal, unstable news reports.Today I looked across the street at the schoolyard, to see a group of kids playing stickball. There is a hedge of sorts; short, thin trees spaced about a foot and a half away from each other. They green out at about fifty centimeters, so it’s clear to see everything under that length, and above it things are mostly obscured. So I got to see all these little legs. The legs that quickly caught my attention were a little girl’s. She was obviously really happy, even though I could only see her legs. She also didn’t seem very focused on the game. She, or rather her legs, just couldn’t keep still! They pirouetted, they jackknifed, they pranced around. It was, yes, slightly erotic. But mostly it was just cute and artistic to see those hyperactive legs, and nothing else! This is not related to the quake, but it’s so heartbreaking to think that there were LOTS of legs like hers, running around on a playground (the quake occurred at about three pm) up north when the quake happened. And the water came out of nowhere. And the little legs were crushed under the full assault of the wall of water, or were swept out to sea. It’s just so sad. It is reassuring to see children just going on with their merry little lives a hundred odd miles from where a colossal tragedy has taken place, but it is very sad as well.

Tomorrow

Of course, living in Tokyo, it is inevitable that at this time of tragedy, and predictions of more to come, we are all living in a somewhat surreal state, as if under The Sword of Damocles.

I wrote this poem a few years back, but I see it speaking even more to the current situation of those of us in Japan. 

Dedicated to all of us here, and everywhere, who are anxious and concerned right now

Tomorrow

If I die tomorrow, let me be surrounded by the ones
that I love
and if I die tomorrow, let me be reminded that my life was a gift
to someone
if I die, if I die
Tomorrow

and if I die tomorrow, let it be without anger
and without blame
without needless sorrow, without guilt, without fear
without shame
if I die, if I die
tomorrow

Well I don’t know what comes tomorrow, but
I know there will be hard times aplenty
yet I believe I’ll make it
as I’ve been through hard times already

but if I die tomorrow, let it be without me
looking back
and as my eyes are closing, let them gaze
without longing upon the past
if I die, if I die
Tomorrow

And if I live tomorrow, let me be surrounded by the ones
that I love
and if I live tomorrow, let me be reminded that my life
is a gift
to someone
if I live, or I die
Tomorrow
if I live, or I die
Tomorrow